Chapter 3 - Seeing God in Our Friendships

George was a well-known pastor, loved and respected in his community. God called George, qualifying him through Spirit-inspired revelation and insight. He felt he had friends who cared, and he even considered some as mentored friendships. Although he had what he thought was a strong support system, a growing depression was beginning to take its toll on his marriage, ministry, and family. When he turned to some of these friends, he felt let down.

"Men relate differently than women," reflected George. "I would not look at my life and see an individual that fit the role as a mentor, but there have been three or four men over the years who have been key in course correction. I sought for a year and even tried to find a way of starting or initiating some sort of a group of ministers where it was safe to be totally gut wrenchingly honest.

"Finding a group where I would be able to talk about fear or doubt or disbelief or anger at God, in a place that was safe enough but with men mature enough in faith and character not to react was important. The problem with most men, certainly anybody in the profession and in marriage, is when a man is asked a question he feels obligated to give an answer.

"Men learn the hard way that often when women ask a question they don't want an answer. They don't want to get fixed-they want somebody who will just listen, and vent.

"I have come into a group of four people who have the level of spiritual maturity. They all have gone through their own battles and walk with limps. It's safe enough to talk about things that are completely off- the-wall or straight theology, psychology, and science. I believe that I will see this season of my life as one of the most effective mentoring positions because it's just kind of an incredible experience.

"I was in the ministry from the time I was in junior high school, and there was never really a safe place. I needed a personal mentor then, and this may be one of the greatest tragedies for anybody in the professional life. To find that kind of peer connectedness would have filled such a great void.

"I had several people at the end of my public ministry who were struggling to survive. Many betrayed confidences, which was extremely hurtful and contributed to the ministry ending. Because I couldn't find the answers in myself, I couldn't find them in religious Christian counseling or any other of the standard mores. Since I was a senior pastor of a church it was virtually impossible to find a peer group that I could trust. I hope that it is still not true."

George went through a terrible time losing his ministry and his marriage, and he struggled with depression. "Depression to me is related to a feeling of being trapped where I don't have choices or feel the ability to make decisions."

He continued, "Now that I am keenly aware of this, I will not let myself get in those situations again, because that really is what drove me out of the ministry and away from the direction I had been going in for 45 years. I felt absolutely trapped without choices. It was unbearable. I have no idea naturally why I didn't kill myself. The hospitalization for my depression was just such a miraculous thing for me, since I really did believe that I was mad at God and that God was mad at me."

God's Word was revealing rhema to George. And you will know the Truth, and the Truth will set you free (Jo 8:32).

"When I woke up to the reality that I was justified in my anger at myself and that I really had embraced a lot of lies, the fundamental truth remained, "the truth will set you free." Anytime I'm in bondage I realize it's because I believe a lie. If I'm free, it's because I'm embracing Truth.

"What triggered me was listening to a minister talk about timing and the saying which I have heard in 12-step recovery, "When the student's ready, the teacher will come." It is so true that when you're ready, the answer seems to come. The Holy Spirit is the Teacher in every case."

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