Chapter 3 - Seeing God in Our Friendships

Jennifer had already given Hilary the lifeline she needed when they spoke during the days between the rape and pageant. This is what Hilary said: "My aunt Jen offered to take me to coffee and be there for me. We started meeting, and she'd ask how I was doing and be there. She was instrumental in me deciding to continue to compete in the Miss Scottsdale Pageant. It was four days later and I wasn't sure if I was up for it, so I called Jen and asked for her advice. She told me nobody would care either way-they'd love me even if I didn't compete, and they would all be there to support me if I did. So I decided to compete. Later we continued meeting."

Jennifer lent a listening ear and encouraged Hilary to journal her experiences and feelings. As her aunt has mentored her, so Hilary shares her experience, strength, and hope to others who have been through similar life traumas. "I did a lot of journaling about what I was going through. We met once a week for about three hours each time and talked about how I was doing and what I was feeling.

"Sometimes we would focus on specific issues whether, it was fear, isolation, sadness, or anger, depending on what I was going through, what was in the forefront that week. And I know without a doubt that process and my meetings with Jen helped so much in my recovery because talking about what I went through is important. So many people just keep it bottled up inside.

"Being able to communicate what I was going through instead of feeling isolated, helped so much. Being able to talk about it made me feel stronger, like I was doing something about it. I wasn't just taking it lying down. I was standing up and turning it into something positive.

"And my relationship with Jen has been a blessing because it was difficult at first to talk about it with my parents. That's not to say anything bad about my parents and my family, it's just difficult because they are so close to it and it affects them in a different way than it affected Jen. My parents were always there for me and ready and willing to talk. Jen has been awesome, in the fact that I felt close enough to her to be able to open up to her, but not too close where I worried about upsetting her and seeing tears."

Hilary found safe waters with Jen so she could be all whom God called her to be. Through their mentored friendship they both wake up daily and live life with deeper meaning than before November 9. They both see how God meant them to be together for His purposes.

Joy and I have both reaped rich rewards. We talk about anything and everything for endless amounts of time. Time stands still when we are together. We send each other little thoughtful notes and gifts, sometimes big and beautiful, sometimes little and meaningful.

What you feed grows. We both fed and nurtured this outstanding and wonderful friendship. We both put good boundaries around our relationship- boundaries of mutual respect, confidentiality, trust, and understanding.

Like good counseling, mentoring doesn't tell you what to do. Rather, it offers the framework or principles which will bring about the best possible outcome. Mentoring's premise is wisdom, which when preceding action means everything will turn out OK. It gives me the confidence to believe it will be alright.

If I give you a fish when you're hungry, you will be filled for the day. If I teach you how to fish, you will eat for life. Joy taught me how to fish so I could eat for life. If she had always been telling me what to do, I'd only be able to eat for the day.

We've always had a lot of fun being together. Sometimes I wonder I if she counts the number of times I've told the same story over again like she does.

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